THE NASTIEST BIKE EVER

 From time to time we all get a bike that perhaps doesn't suit us individually, but here is a machine
that defies anyone of a sane mind to say it is either pretty, functional or competitive! About as
much use as a Chocolate Tea Pot, maybe too much praise there as you could eat the chocolate.




1971 WELSH on The Montesa


 It was 1971, I had ridden and finished my second Scottish Six Days on the Montesa Cota Mk II
 and had also completed the Welsh 2 Day (See Oct Article "So you want to Ride ISDT?") when our
masters in the Royal Air Force announce that we will be riding this fantastic offering in the 71 ISDT
in the Isle of Man.

 Excitement builds as we impatiently await the arrival of the new "Scruggs/Acme Wonder Bike"
We are hoping for KTM's of course but, CZ or Jawa would do or even the big Triumph Trophy,
which is after all why Triumph named it that as it was supposed to bring home the "Trophy" for
Great Britain.

........ and so it was....?????????????




 What is it   ???


Wow....or    YUK!


 Sorry lads, this is the best we could do! The Air Force Board said "you" will ride British and like it.

......"but what happened to the KTM's ?" " No, no and a thousand times ney!"
"They are made in Austria!" "Very close to where a Mister Schicklegrubber was born"
"So,... NO, NO, a thousand times NO!"

"But, but...... this has an Italian engine?"

"Don't be ungrateful!"



 So here it is "Wondersteed"    THE 1971 170cc MINARELLI COTTON


 We are introduced to the evil little brute and after firing it up gave it a test run and although I
don't have the full test results on my desk at the time of writing I think I can remember the
general thread of the comments which I have listed in no particular order of merit:

AWFUL

GUTLESS

Wouldn't pull the skin off a Rice Pudding

Are we getting a real engine?

A Jokes a Joke but........

Can you get the front off the ground?

No, they are made that way!

Who designed this?

What did this exhaust come off?





The Proud Team and Their Mounts


 .... And so it was, off to the I.O.M. we go and enter one of the World's toughest motorcyccle
challenges. As luck would have it mine only lasted a couple of days and one did actually make
it to Thursday before it too expired.

 I can honestly say that retiring from any event is one of life's biggest annoyances but in this case
it was something of a relief.




How did I get ahead of 136 ?  ...and why is the Marshall with the armband laughing?


 The Tuesday run was, I believe, the reverse of Day 1, not that that made much difference as no
one I know can remember 180 miles of cross country and then reverse it. You can however
remember little bits...... "Wasn't there a big hole along here?" .... usually a micro, or nano second
 before you hit it.

 As the day progressed and embarassment increased the machine got lighter and lighter. First
item to fall off was something down the back end which I didn't notice until I pulled into the check
point. I had been coming down a hill with the Cotton doing all it's nasty tricks, you always landed
on the front wheel if you went over a bump, most of the time you didn't have enough speed to get
airborne, but to give you a sensation the back would hop into the air and slap you up the bum to
give you some encouragement! Top speed on the road was a wacky 45 mph, either laying on the
tank or sitting up which was the way we rode just waving to the crowd.

 So coming down the hill I had been hearing a lot of Woink, Woink, Woink which I had assumed
was the rear shocks bottoming out but as it transpired was the rear mudguard fouling on the tire
and then when the noise ceased it was to herald the departure of said item. Closer inspection
revealed that the huge penny washer, nut and bolt, were all still in place and that the alloy had
vibrated itself into resonance and fatigued around the washer, what's next?

 I don't have long to wait as rounding a corner on a road section there is a ping and clang as the
round airfilter decides to leave the sinking ship and departs into the crowd. A little later the whole
innards of the superbly tuned exhaust system breaks free of it's welding and also lands in the road,
man o man, this thing is noisey! It would frighten a Harley!

 Some time later on an uphill stretch there was a PHutttttttttTTT! which continued until the machine
came to a stop. The plug had blown out of the cyclinder head taking all alloy threading with it, but
I got to keep the plug as it was still in the melting plug cap. 

 Here Endeth the Lesson! Moral of the story, don't ride crap, get the right bike for the job!


TONY DOWN   No 145 1971 ISDT



There are more ISDT stories in Oct Archives if that's your bag.