HELL’S KITCHEN 13
HELL’S KITCHEN 13
You are probably wondering about the title, (and so am I) but it was Ray’s idea so I’ll go with it as he
now has the “keeness wick” wound fully up and is working hard on my requests for the improved 2013
Now for those who have not seen Hell’s Kitchen, and clearly those applying for this $250,000 a year
job have not, there are some “givens”. Surely to Christ if you were a prospective Head Chef then you
would have done some homework? Every season, and I believe this is 13, we see the same old,
same old mistakes similar to the Pre 65 annual debate on Trials Central. If you can’t cook a rissoto
or scallops then practice, practice, practice!! …and use some ‘king seasoning. Next up would be the
cooking of fish, something other than raw chicken might please Gordon, and while you are attempting
the master’s dishes perhaps a few tries at “Rack of Lamb” and “Beef Wellington” would also be in
your best interests!!!
Perhaps having seen what I have written I can now see some similarities as had I been applying for
a “Master Fabricator” position my dismal attempts would have also ended up in the trash. Indeed no
appetisers would have left the kitchen…………. here comes the first order
“One Coil in the Hole, one Modified Frame, two Engine Platters,
one Freshly Rolled Bash Plate…………….. YES CHEF !”
Ardent readers may remember the coil in the hole conundrum, very similar to the Montesa 348 front
pipe debacle. Yes, a true Arabic Puzzle Ring and one that had me at the limits of my patience! I could
get it in one time and then take it out to drill the holes but then many fiddle arse attempts and 30 mins
on the clock to get it back in. Ray of course can do it in 5 secs or less, but has had sympathy for the
left handed afflicted and has extended the hole slightly.
Square coil in a round hole
It fits ! …….. sometimes
The Chef’s answer
Next order was the modified frame and Ray starts by skimming the bottoms off the bracket where the
previous bash plate was attached as the angle will now change. Change that angle and now the screw
holes will be at an angle. The holes must be filled, redrilled and tapped.
Up front the tube is cut like some medieval lance and the engine mounts cut free. New mountings
for el Bash o’plate are fabricated and welded in place along with the new lugs for the forward engine
The orange aeroplane in the danglemometer defines the true horizontal
Meanwhile in the Red Kitchen there are a few problems which the Chef quickly corrects
“For God’s sake girl, I said weld on a foot for the Cub, not make a CLUB
Foot………. heaven help the creme brulee !!”
The Master takes over
Modified Frame ………. DONE !
“I’m still waiting on those engine platters”
“Nice, ………. service please”
Only one item left from the order, “The Freshly Rolled Bash Plate”…….. so over to the Blue Kitchen and
see how they are getting on………
“What do you mean, YOU had to redesign the downtube ??”
“Holy S#**, he’ll ‘king kill us!!”
Chef Ramsay is not pleased !
Oh well what did you expect ? Back to the Red Kitchen and have a look at their attempts at Rolled
“C’mon, this is a ROLLED dinner plate!! I need a Rolled Bash Plate”
The first offering did not make the cut and Gordon is wondering why heat was used ?
“Jesus woman! how the hell do you burn a bash plate? ….did you think it
was another rissoto?”
A rolled bash plate nears completion, just some seasoning and garnish
Nicely garnished with a fine grit polish and nuts inserts
WE DID IT !