Monday 28th June 2021 at 1300 and here I am in Oncology at Durango Hospital. Dr Cathcart finally comes in and off we go. Starting with the blood tests where they were looking for a DNA match to see what other drugs/poison they could use, answer NONE!
Oh well, what can we do now? Well there is one more set of pills that you could try but they bring your face out in a horrendous rash, and they don’t work that well either, but they might give you another couple of months ………. or ???
What else is there? ……. well you could sign up for clinical trials up in Denver …….. Hmmm, that is ridiculous and would cost a fortune, Oh well then just enjoy the time you have left then and the quality of life! …….. and how long is that ???
Well it’s TERMINAL so anywhere between 6-12 months ……… SHIT! so this is the DEATH SENTENCE then ? ABSOLUTELY but its the liver cancer that will kill you. Pray tell me, as I’ve not had any symptoms from this cancer what are the signs and what should I be looking for and how painful will it be ?
Well you are lucky, as eventually you just fall asleep but you don’t wake up. You get jaundice and your eyes go yellow along with your pee and you get more and more tired until the end. Well that’s great!
It’s almost too much writing this stuff, and I’m very scared bordering on terrified as I have no wish to DIE. In all my years flying, apart from the first time when we were about to go to war with Iraq, when I was in Cyprus on my first tour, back in the 1960’s, I never really thought about dying. I certainly don’t have any strong religious convictions and perhaps I should seek help in that area. It really brings it home when you realize you might not make Christmas this year .
Enough of this. Can’t get sucked into this feeling sorry for myself and giving up, got to FIGHT to the bitter end if I have enough strength and willpower. Apart from the Tour de France how is my personal cycling going? Well not too well at the moment as the weather was cool and wet with some severe thunderstorms yesterday. The garden is soaked, and I’ve just been out to water my new plants which were sheltering under the balcony. The plan was to hit 500 miles a month, and in the light of other things (like DEATH) that now seems somewhat futile! However, can’t give up and let this beast devour me.
Starting today after a wet 6.30 yesterday I’m up to 983.73 for the year and still need that extra 17 miles to crack the 1000. Right now in the big picture I’m at 17,374.40 out of the required 24,902 so with what we have discovered this week that target seems a little too far unless I have a mini miracle which can only be achieved by staying fit …… what a joke!
Almost time to get out there avoiding all the road works and relaying of blacktop which is quite impressive. Better get a few pics before they finish. Need to see what the other nursery at Cliff Rose has left. Went there yesterday and a thunderstorm with torrential rain arrived as I did and it was so bad I didn’t get out of the car.
Cycling miles achieved so I’m through the first 1000 this year and who knows how much more I will get. It does keep me off the Internet and worrying myself so with that and gardening I have quite a lot to do in the immediate future. Plant shopping went quite well at Walmart and some reasonable plants could soon be in the ground and brighten the place up.
Thursday 1 July, might be the last one I see! No matter a day of full on gardening, weeding, dead heading roses and prepping beds for the new flowers.