Only two weeks until I’m on the table up in Denver undergoing surgery! Side effects are still a pain, but a way of life, and seeing the body falling to pieces is not a pleasant daily experience.

The mind mulls over every scenario, questions the what ifs, and tries to put a brave face on everything, but in truth is worried, scared, and not at all feeling “that all is well”. Maybe its because I don’t know all these people in Denver. For them its just another surgery, for me more a life or death event over which I have no control and seemingly no say in.

Having this done the first time didn’t seem that big of a deal, although I wasn’t expecting so much pain from the onslaught of compressed air and the ugliness of the final “stoma”. However, I did accept the necessity of the op as my system would have become totally blocked up left to its own devices.

Perhaps the vicious side effects are whats causing my reservations about all this as hair and teeth are falling out and other normal services are now anything but. Poor hearing and speech, lack of sensitivity of touch and the sudden loss of balance do nothing for my confidence.

Yes, I’m shit scared I might not wake up in the aftermath of this surgery. I have fought my way through the 12 sessions of chemo but my mental and physical resources are coming to their end. I can only hope there is enough left to endure this and recover.

Well you hear about these “things” I but this one is one of the nightmares I can do without!!! The hospital in Denver rang with the details of my upcoming visit which they claim was for LIVER Surgery and NOT what had been agreed or even discussed. No, No, No!!!! I remember the story of the man who had to go in for a leg amputation and when he came round they had taken the wrong one!

Needless to say with three hospitals involved in my survival someone has screwed up somewhere and it would seem my first visit to Denver was a complete waste of time as it was all discussed and liver surgery, which can only be done in two sessions, with a 6 month recovery was considered a COMPLETE non-starter as there is no guarantee that it won’t come back and that a daily pill can keep it under control.

We must get this sorted this week and get everybody’s assurance they know EXACTLY what we are removing and reconnecting! The last time we were in contact they said the surgery would be “non-invasive” and robotic

Doesn’t look non-invasive to me! looks more like a complete engine and gearbox change

One week left, time to get on the blower and get these “Professionals” all on the same page …… and that will be MY PAGE lest we forget!!!






2 thoughts on “TWO WEEKS AWAY”

  1. Hi Tony, we are all so terribly sorry for you and realise that what you have been through and what is ahead is very, very tough. What date is your operation in Denver? Our lives separated, but that doesn’t mean we don’t care about you. You are not alone, there are people in this world who are not able to visit you, but who think of you daily. I hope you can take some strength from that. Keep strong and know that there is a great deal of love coming your way from your family, past and present. Keep in touch, Mouse

  2. You won’t know me, I remember you from your trials days at the SSDT. Your post on the 27th has touched me deeply and I urge you to go forward with all your strength and will. Coming out the other side of surgery has got to open up new possibilities, however complicated a recovery might be.
    I look forward to reading your next posts, this year and beyond. Go for it.

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